The Choir of the Whining Professors

Darkthrone has just recorded a new album, huzzah. The world celebrated. Everybody except:

The Choir of the whining professors….and they sang from the other side:

“We have fine-tuned ears, yes they are above average
We thrive on dealing out critics, some might actually believe us
Some of us can even play an instrument, yeah, you did not see that coming
So out of our way, now you’re gonna get it, stand up and take it like a man

Production-wise, guitar-wise
Drum-wise and groupie-wise
The Professors’ in town, better hide
We’ll be anonymous, we have masks

Darkthrone has a very bad sound, where is the punch?
Listen to those weak guitars, where is the “fat”
Drums are not cool, they sound old, out of date
How can anyone listen to this shit, shut them down

Look, don’t be shy, cut’n’paste is the way of life
We can provide white lab-suits
Circus is all we want from metal
Why try to be so damn “special”

The bass drums are not balanced in the mix
That we can hear, with such “big” ears
You use far too short time recording,
How can you then get soul into the music

Why only 4 riffs in a song, c’mon this is the new age
Darkthrone does everything wrong
They don’t even try put on a show
Come over to the other side, create headlines
with something not related to metal lies

We are the Professors, we are the Professors
Realize your time is over, join us
We’re the ones that can make lists
We know good from bad, you’re just lonely and sad”

Darkthrone responds: naaah, how cute, have a muffin and sit on our laps.

- Nocturno Culto